A Mirror Goya

 A white man named Amir Goya was in a hurry to buy all his groceries before the store closed at 8 pm

He purchased his groceries and prepared to leave.

He packed all his groceries in a heavy reusable bag he hung draping over his left shoulder except a gallon of orange juice that cost 5 dollars.  He carried the 5 dollar gallon of orange juice in his right hand.

As he approached the exit the door was closed.  A black security guard had to open the door for him since the doors are only manually opened and closed to keep new customers out near closing time.

Two white men stood outside the store.  As the guard slid the door open he said , "the store is about to close I can not let anyone in" to one of the two men who was trying to come inside.  The man responded,
"I have six minutes left it is 7:54. It will not take long I only have a yogurt.  It took me two minutes to explain this it is now 7:56 and it will take me less than three minutes to get it."  The guard said, "all right you may come in" and let him in.

Amir Goya then went out the door and the other man asked the guard, may I have a dollar.  The guard laughed and closed the door, locking him out.

Amir Goya laughed also.  At this the man became angry and stabbed at Amir Goya but only hit his gallon of orange juice puncturing it without breaking it in half.  He then stabbed at Amir Goya a second time who dodged him and hit him on top of the head with the gallon of orange juice which ripped as it landed on his head.  The plastic gallon of orange juice was on his head like a broken hat.  The man started saying, I am blind, I can not see.

This man with orange juice on his head just so happened to be name Bogsy Shabo

Amir Goya said you owe me 5 dollars.

Amir Goya then started to run away to get out of there as fast as he could with what remained of his groceries so as not to get stabbed.

Days later police arrested Amir Goya.

This does not necessarily follow real court procedures after all this is fiction

In court

The prosecuting attorney named Dan Judah said the defense claims their client Amir Goya was defending himself and merely put orange juice in Bogsy Shabo's eyes to prevent Shabo from stabbing Goya a third time.  But this action was clearly a hate crime and not self defense.  

By laughing at Bogsy Shabo who was not white but Jewish for being locked out of the store when he asked for a dollar he clearly was making an anti semitic remark.  These words of laughter at a Jewish individuals were an attempt to encourage people to take action to exterminate all Jewish people.  Therefore when Bogsy Shabo tried to stab Amir Goya with a knife, Bogsy Shabo was defending himself and his people from extermination.  Since it was Bogsy Shabo that was defending himself from Amir Goya, Amir Goya's action of breaking a gallon of orange juice over Bogsy Shabo's head was assault as well as a second incident of a hate crime and not an act of self defense.  The first hate crime being when he anti semitically laughed at Bogsy Shabo.

The Defense attorney who was named Shlomo Cohen said, you assert that Bogsy Shabo was not white but Jewish, but if he is indeed Jewish there should be a certificate and official recognition by the Jewish community or the State of Israel.  Anyone who is Jewish can look white, or black or any other skin shade or color.  Therefore anyone who looks white can claim they are not white but actually Jewish.  But does this man have proof that they are indeed Jewish?  Does this man have a certificate to prove his Jewishness that would be recognized as legitimate by the State of Israel?

The Prosecutor said, itt is unreasonable to ask for proof at this moment.  Surely I can obtain proof but it is unreasonable to ask Bogsy to carry a Jew card with him at all times therefore he does not have such a certificate with him.  Surely such certificates of Jewishness must be carefully guarded and kept in a special place to prevent theft or damage.  Since these certificates are holy they can not be kept in the back pocket of your pants like a drivers license at all times where you could sit on such a holy thing or accidentally take it to the bathroom with you.  Surely you would not take a Jewish certificate with you to the bathroom any more than any other holy book.  Moreover this man is homeless do to the anti semitic persecution that keeps Jews poor and impoverished, so he can not store it in his house because he has no house so he will have to contact the State of Israel to get a copy of his Jew certificate which may take time and possibly expenses a homeless person might not normally be able to reasonably afford.

The Judge

The court is adjourned for 66 days.  If Bogsy Shabo can not come with a Jewish certificate in 66 days I will dismiss the charges against Amir Goya.  If I dismiss the charge against Amir Goya then Amir Goya can press charges of assault against Bogsy Shabo.  Moreover if I find out that Bogsy Shabo does not have evidence that he is Jewish I will order a trial against him for perjury.  However if Bogsy Shabo can prove he is Jewish Amir Goya may spend up to 40 years in jail for 2 counts of hate crimes at 20 years a piece in addition to any time for assault which will be much smaller than the hate crime charges if the charges are not dropped and if Amir Goya is found guilty.

Since a hate crime is a very serious charge there shall be no bail and Amir Goya is not allowed to walk around a free man for these 60 days.

Now Bogsy Shabo worked for a man on Friday and Saturdays to turn on and off the lights and do other tasks this Jewish man was forbidden from doing.  And he begged this man, "please help me get this certificate."  The man said, "if you want to convert to Judaism you must ask my Rabbi."  So he asked his Rabbi and he said no.  He told the man the Rabbi said no.  

The man who hired him said, the Rabbi has to reject you three times, so ask him three more times and he will accept the fourth time.

So the man asked the Rabbi again and again.  He said no the first three times and yes the fourth time.

He then said he had to complete a 10 week course which will take 70 days.  Bogsy said that is not enough time.  The Rabbi said, you can finish the course in jail and then use the certificate for appeal.

So Bogsy Shabo went to the court   The judge said do you have any evidence?  The prosecutor said it will take a few more days for the State of Israel to send the certificate.

The Judge said 66 days was plenty of time.  Shabo will be put on trial for perjury without bail and the case is dismissed against Goya.

Shabo has 33 days to appeal this verdict.

Shabo was immediately taken to another court trial for perjury and the bail was set to $666.66 which Shabo did not have.

While in jail the Rabbi visited him and finished the conversion class.  He said, "There is one last step.  You must be circumcised."  

Shabo said, "I already am circumcised."  

The Rabbi said. "it does not count unless it is done by a Jewish authority and a holy man with a holy mouth called a mohel. We must poke you down there and make you bleed then the mohel has to suck the blood."  

Shabo said, "how do I know the Mohel does not have herpes?"

The Rabbi said, "look you can take your chance about whether or not the mohel has herpes or you can take your chance about whether the men in jail have herpes they might give you."   

Shabo said, "I guess one Mohel is less likely to have herpes then 10 men in jail who will make me do things."

So Shabo let them prick him down there and the Mohel sucked his blood.  The Rabbi gave him the certificate.  Shabo used the certificate to win his appeal and no longer faced charges for perjury and Amir Goya was put in jal for 42 years, on two counts of hate crimes for 40 years and one count of assault with a chemical weapon for 2 years.

Shabo was a free man except he would never be free from herpes which he got from the mohel.

The End